My Africa Dance - Part 2
I literally danced through Mozambique, as God worked intently on my heart and danced with me.
All my fears melted away. My doubt was swallowed up. All my questions, worries, anxieties, were all swallowed up in His endless love as we danced through Mozambique together. In the dirt, at the ocean's edge, on top of the mountains, at the ocean's edge, with the children, with the pastors, everywhere.
My first day there, I went up the hill to the prayer hut that overlooks the entire base and the ocean, and put in my earphones, and danced. For hours and hours. I didn't know what time it was, and I didn't care. Where else did I have to be? I danced for hours.
I danced on the beach. Spinning, twirling, being romanced by the King, immersed in His beauty on the other side of the world. My heart still had fears and questions, but I danced in spite of them, and because of them.
At the top of a mountain in a remote village that few even know exists, I danced. I felt God's presence closer and nearer on that mountain in that remote African village thatn anywhere else. And we danced together with His beautiful African people!!!!
I danced with 3 BEAUTIFUL, PRICELESS JEWELS, MY GIRLS, outside the gate to my house. For hours we laughed and danced, spiinning twirling and singing, BAREFOOT. IN THE DIRT. KICKING UP RED DIRT AND STIRRING UP SO MUCH DUST, WE DANCED. I was barefoot. I didn't care about worms, pestisides or catching deadly diseases. I wanted to be free. As the sun set we danced gazing at the beauty in the sky above us, together, princesses, singing and laughing.
I never got worms.
I danced in the church, wearing a tiara at the back stage. For 2 hours barefoot on that rough concrete stage. My feet hurt and had blisters after, but that dance was worth it.
I danced with my sisters in front of the entire school and staff together one morning for class, as the breeze blew all around our open classroom one morning.
One windy night in the church, as I was dancing I looked out at the sky from the open windows and saw the full moon, HUGE, and orangey-red. I danced with the Lion of the Tribe of Judah, who is the risen, coming King.
And I danced and Maranganya, up on the huge, endless hills that overlook the ocean from east to west as far as the eye can see. It was so, so windy that day. We danced in that gazebo with BEAUTY all around us. Hair and skirts blowing madly.
And as I traipsed through the villages with loads of children running and following me, I danced. Up and down and all around those bumpy, dirty, dusty streets.
I danced all the way through Mozambique and all the way home again.
And as we danced together, He and I, my heart was transformed. He changed me. He grew me up, and made me brave. He made me fearless.
He transformed a princess into a Queen.
Friday, December 16, 2011
It is Not a Strategy that will Change the World, it is a Dance
My Africa Dance - Part 1
God shows His undeniable faithfulness. He brought to my mind my time in Mozambique. How months before, I had walked through that crazy fog of trying to listen and discern His voice, on my knees and on my face weeping before Him almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. And how crazy the journey to actually get there was, and how He walked through every step and every moment of the journey with me, holding my hand.
And how he made me brave.
A few months before I left, I just KNEW that I was going to step off that airplane in Africa and fall right into His arms. He was going to catch me. And that happened quite literally. QUITE LITERALLY. I won't ever forget it. I made it through the flights and airports and baggage claim and the ride to the mission base, and then went to the gazebo where they said a meeting was going on.
I have no idea why I went, because I was so tired from the trip, and I hadn't even unpacked anything or got my bed ready to sleep in. It was so late at night, and I went to that meeting. I was pulled to that meeting by God. He wanted to catch me.
I stood outside the gazebo watching, wondering what on earth am I doing here? It was a mess. They were all excited. Praying, laughing, rolling on the floor, which I had done myself in the past at times, but now I didn't know what I was doing here in a foreign country all by myself, and I was scared for my heart. I had no idea why God had called me to be here in Mozambique at this time. I had no clue what the next few months would hold, or after. And I was terrified. I didn't want to keep doing things and going places by myself.
I had stepped out with a trembling heart, and my heart was still trembling.
And then it happened. As I was falling, He caught me.
As I stood in the dark watching all that madness going on inside the gazebo, I was summoned to step in. I didn't want to.
I stepped in. As soon as I stepped into that gazebo, a small, older woman grabbed me and put her hands on my head and began to pray. I doubled over and began to weep. She held me so close, she was literally holding me up. I would have been falling on the ground, but she was holding me up. She was catching me. She held me so tight as I was weeping into her shoulder for a long, long time. All the while she was speaking over me,
"It wasn't you that got you here. I pulled you here. I was on the plane with you, I've been with you the whole time. I was at the airport with you. I've got you, I've got you, I've got you....."
As all this was going on, something strange was happening in my heart. I knew that he was catching me. I knew that I had fallen off the plane, literally THAT NIGHT, and LANDED IN PAPA'S ARMS.
As I cried she kept singing "I've got you, I've got you, I've got you...."
I don't even know how or when it ended, but all I know is that I LANDED IN PAPA GOD'S ARMS.
I had mascara running down and smeared ALL over my face.
And from that first night on, until I stepped onto the plane to leave, HE WAS WITH ME. HE WAS NEAR ME AND HE NEVER LEFT MY SIDE.
(title quote by Michele Perry)
God shows His undeniable faithfulness. He brought to my mind my time in Mozambique. How months before, I had walked through that crazy fog of trying to listen and discern His voice, on my knees and on my face weeping before Him almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. And how crazy the journey to actually get there was, and how He walked through every step and every moment of the journey with me, holding my hand.
And how he made me brave.
A few months before I left, I just KNEW that I was going to step off that airplane in Africa and fall right into His arms. He was going to catch me. And that happened quite literally. QUITE LITERALLY. I won't ever forget it. I made it through the flights and airports and baggage claim and the ride to the mission base, and then went to the gazebo where they said a meeting was going on.
I have no idea why I went, because I was so tired from the trip, and I hadn't even unpacked anything or got my bed ready to sleep in. It was so late at night, and I went to that meeting. I was pulled to that meeting by God. He wanted to catch me.
I stood outside the gazebo watching, wondering what on earth am I doing here? It was a mess. They were all excited. Praying, laughing, rolling on the floor, which I had done myself in the past at times, but now I didn't know what I was doing here in a foreign country all by myself, and I was scared for my heart. I had no idea why God had called me to be here in Mozambique at this time. I had no clue what the next few months would hold, or after. And I was terrified. I didn't want to keep doing things and going places by myself.
I had stepped out with a trembling heart, and my heart was still trembling.
And then it happened. As I was falling, He caught me.
As I stood in the dark watching all that madness going on inside the gazebo, I was summoned to step in. I didn't want to.
I stepped in. As soon as I stepped into that gazebo, a small, older woman grabbed me and put her hands on my head and began to pray. I doubled over and began to weep. She held me so close, she was literally holding me up. I would have been falling on the ground, but she was holding me up. She was catching me. She held me so tight as I was weeping into her shoulder for a long, long time. All the while she was speaking over me,
"It wasn't you that got you here. I pulled you here. I was on the plane with you, I've been with you the whole time. I was at the airport with you. I've got you, I've got you, I've got you....."
As all this was going on, something strange was happening in my heart. I knew that he was catching me. I knew that I had fallen off the plane, literally THAT NIGHT, and LANDED IN PAPA'S ARMS.
As I cried she kept singing "I've got you, I've got you, I've got you...."
I don't even know how or when it ended, but all I know is that I LANDED IN PAPA GOD'S ARMS.
I had mascara running down and smeared ALL over my face.
And from that first night on, until I stepped onto the plane to leave, HE WAS WITH ME. HE WAS NEAR ME AND HE NEVER LEFT MY SIDE.
(title quote by Michele Perry)
Monday, October 31, 2011
It's Not How You Start. It's How You Finish
*WARNING:--LONGEST POST EVER-*
As I look back on this year, the most evident change God has worked in me is courage. I read through my journals from earlier this year and from while I was in Mozambique, and I can see the transformation. It is so amazing!!!!!
To give a summary illustration of this amazing work God has done in me, I will start with the beginning of my journey.
I was sitting in the Orlando Airport, about to get on a plane that would take me to Detroit, that would connect to my stop in Amsterdam. I was supposed to meet up with some other Harvest School students in Detroit. When I checked in at the desk, they couldn't find my flight to Detroit. I began to panic inwardly and thought "I haven't even left my home state yet! This trip is already becoming way more than I can handle! WHAT AM I DOING!?" I don't like traveling alone in the first place, ESPECIALLY when stuff like this happens. So as I was panicking, the woman told me to wait for a few minutes while she tried to work things out. Those few minutes felt like hours as I was wrestling inside with God. "Why am I by myself! Why couldn't you give me someone to go with me! I'm always doing everything by myself!" ......the woman called me back to the desk. As I held my breath, she told me that my flight had been switched. I was now going from here to Atlanta, and then from there, straight to Johannesburg, South Africa. So I realized what this would mean for me: I would no longer meet up with the people I was supposed to meet up with in Detroit, who would then all be together when we got to Johannesburg for our overnight stay. I would be arriving in Joburg, late at night, BY MYSELF, with no clue what to do or where to go, or who to connect with to get to my hotel. I had no idea if my luggage would be there, or if I would need to claim it and re-check it somewhere else.
I received my new itinerary from the woman at the desk and then sat down to wait for boarding. As I was sitting there, I began to get very scared and anxious. "Why do things like this always happen to me! I have no idea how to travel by myself in foreign countries! I look like a gullible, innocent blonde girl who can easily be taken advantage of, and I HAVE NO ONE TO HELP ME. I AM ALWAYS BY MYSELF! Why am I always doing huge scary things by myself!" The cycle of thoughts spun around and around in my mind until I finally boarded the plane and we got off the ground. We arrived in Atlanta, and I found my next gate for my 17-hr nonstop to Joburg. BY MYSELF. "Lord, please help me! I can't do this by myself! I need you so much. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!" I prayed at the airport, on the plane, over and over again when I woke up during those 17 hours.
Finally we landed in Joburg. Well, this is it. God, help. I followed the crowd into the huge airport. I still didn't know about my baggage, so I just decided to go to baggage claim and look. I stood there for a good while, but never saw my bag. So I just started walking, toward what looked like the main atrium of the airport. It was a long walk, because this airport is HUGE. As I was walking I tried to hold back the tears. Trying not to look obvious. But it didn't really work. I kept praying "Lord, where is my husband? I need him! Why am I always alone! I don't know where to go or what to do!" .....Little did I know that God was teaching me how to rely fully on Him and no one else. He had removed every comfort and security, everything I had used in the past to lean on, and stripped me of all that I usually cling to, and left me with nothing but HIM. To show me that He is all I need.
*You will never learn that God is truly all you need, until He is all you have.*
So finally, I made it to the atrium and saw people holding up signs. I looked at them all and didn't see my name, so I just decided to walk to the bathroom and try to regain composure. "GOD, I NEED YOU. HELP!" "Breathe Hannah, just breathe." Now as I look back on this, I realize that during this whole time, I never stopped praying. I was constantly talking to the Lord, and He was talking back to me. I was learning how to be in constant communion with Him. As I left the restroom, I walked out and saw a girl standing there with some luggage. I met her and found out she was a Harvest School student as well. Praise the Lord, I was not alone anymore. We stood there talking and waiting for a representative from our hotel to pick us up. He eventually showed up and took us to our hotel.
I tell all of this to show how I started. I started so weak. Scared, anxious, frightened. Now let me tell you how I finished.
BRAVE. STRONG AND COURAGEOUS. FEARLESS.
With only a week or so left in the school, I remember one evening I walked up to one of the prayer huts to watch the amazing sunset. (African sunsets, you can imagine, are breathtaking) I thought back to the first time I had been in this prayer hut, watching a sunset. It was a couple of weeks after I had arrived, and I was up there, standing on the ledge, holding onto a post and in my heart were so many questions.
"Where am I going? What is God doing with me? I don't know anything. What should I do? What is the next step? What about this boy? What about the desires of my heart? What if I'm supposed to be single? What if I'm called to a different place? What if I'm called to do this alone, to prove that God is all you need? Where am I supposed to go? What's going to happen after this? I don't want to go back home and just do what I was doing before. I want to be living out what's in my heart. I want to dream and watch these dreams happen!" .....etc. etc. etc. SOOOO many questions. So many fears. SO many worries, on and on and on. And as I thought about that one evening, I started smiling. Because now, only a month or so later, ALL of those questions, were GONE. Just wiped away, all of them. I watched the sunset, and full of peace. I actually could enjoy the beauty of the sky this time. I could actually breathe. My heart was free and there wasn't all this heavyness of fear and questions weighing on my heart. God had done SUCH a work in me.
Some of the biggest tools He used to do this work were little dirty chocolate faces. Tiny dirt huts where families made their homes. The humility and simpicity of poverty. A little 11 year old girl named Memona. God used Memona to mold my heart. He took out things that were never meant to be there, and put in things that were always supposed to. He grew my heart so big I thought it would explode with love. As Memona and I walked on the beach together almost every day, I saw how all my fear and worry was nothing. I saw the faithfulness of God. I felt His nearness, His closeness. I learned how well He takes care of His children. I felt all my doubt wash away. Doubt that He was really going to take care of me. It all washed away. I was immsersed in the love of the Father as He allowed me to love this beautiful treasure and to watch her cold heart open. Memona doesn't talk much, and she also doesn't smile much. By the end of my time in Mozambique, I had her laughing and dancing with me almost every day. It was beautiful to watch. She is a beloved princess and I cannot tell you how much GOD LOVES HER. God let me feel His love for this girl and it overwhelmed me. My own worries were nothing. When has God ever failed me? When has he forsaken me or left me on my own? When has He not been faithful? NEVER.
The things the Lord spoke to me in Mozambique will stay with me forever because they are forever engraved on my heart. They are part of the journey, and part of my growth. If they weren't there, I wouldn't be where I'm supposed to be right now.
He will ALWAYS take care of me.
I will never be by myself.
He is my Provider.
He comforts me.
The Holy Spirit lives inside of me
I truly can do EVERYTHING through Christ who GIVES ME STRENGTH,
I can go ANYWHERE with HIM!
If He called me to the most dangerous, dark place on earth, I would be completely safe because HE called me there. I would rather be there in that dark place with HIM, than in safety and comfort without Him.
WHEN GOD CALLS YOU TO SOMETHING, YOU CAN DO WHAT HE CALLS YOU TO. ALWAYS.
He will always make a way.
I wasn't even supposed to go to this school. It was too full, they had already accepted as many as they had room for. But God had asked me to go. I told Him if I got accepted, I would go. I wasn't sure how my heart would handle it, because I knew that I wanted to be with a family, a husband, a group of people who aren't going anywhere. But God wanted me to know that He is all I need. I don't have to have that family around me to live this life. So He asked me to go to Mozambique by myself. The school was full but God moved on the hearts of those in leadership to open up for double the amount, because there were more. God knew He had plans for me there. So he made a way. And I obeyed. At first I could not see why I needed to come here, but now I do. My heart needed that foundation that if He is all that I have, it's enough. My heart needed to know the safety and security of the nearness of the Holy Spirit. He made me brave.
My heart found its home. It's funny that it happened in the place farthest away from "home". God always knows the best way : )
As we drove to the tiny Pemba airport in huge camions, sitting on the back, on top of all our luggage, I KNEW, without a doubt, that even if I wasn't traveling with this big group of students, I could TOTALLY do it by myself. I could travel the world by myself, with only God with me. I KNEW I could do it. Because the Holy Spirit truly became my best friend. I felt His nearness every day. He was so close to me.
There were so many days when I thought "I can't do this anymore." I was exhausted, I was filthy, I was so hot. I didn't have any strength left in me, let alone any more love to pour out on all these needy children. But as I pressed through and kept my eyes on Him, He became my strength. He proved Himself and who He is. I was SO weak. I had absolutely NOTHING to give.
But I finished so strong. HE MADE ME BRAVE, BOLD AND FEARLESS.!!!!!
As I look back on this year, the most evident change God has worked in me is courage. I read through my journals from earlier this year and from while I was in Mozambique, and I can see the transformation. It is so amazing!!!!!
To give a summary illustration of this amazing work God has done in me, I will start with the beginning of my journey.
I was sitting in the Orlando Airport, about to get on a plane that would take me to Detroit, that would connect to my stop in Amsterdam. I was supposed to meet up with some other Harvest School students in Detroit. When I checked in at the desk, they couldn't find my flight to Detroit. I began to panic inwardly and thought "I haven't even left my home state yet! This trip is already becoming way more than I can handle! WHAT AM I DOING!?" I don't like traveling alone in the first place, ESPECIALLY when stuff like this happens. So as I was panicking, the woman told me to wait for a few minutes while she tried to work things out. Those few minutes felt like hours as I was wrestling inside with God. "Why am I by myself! Why couldn't you give me someone to go with me! I'm always doing everything by myself!" ......the woman called me back to the desk. As I held my breath, she told me that my flight had been switched. I was now going from here to Atlanta, and then from there, straight to Johannesburg, South Africa. So I realized what this would mean for me: I would no longer meet up with the people I was supposed to meet up with in Detroit, who would then all be together when we got to Johannesburg for our overnight stay. I would be arriving in Joburg, late at night, BY MYSELF, with no clue what to do or where to go, or who to connect with to get to my hotel. I had no idea if my luggage would be there, or if I would need to claim it and re-check it somewhere else.
I received my new itinerary from the woman at the desk and then sat down to wait for boarding. As I was sitting there, I began to get very scared and anxious. "Why do things like this always happen to me! I have no idea how to travel by myself in foreign countries! I look like a gullible, innocent blonde girl who can easily be taken advantage of, and I HAVE NO ONE TO HELP ME. I AM ALWAYS BY MYSELF! Why am I always doing huge scary things by myself!" The cycle of thoughts spun around and around in my mind until I finally boarded the plane and we got off the ground. We arrived in Atlanta, and I found my next gate for my 17-hr nonstop to Joburg. BY MYSELF. "Lord, please help me! I can't do this by myself! I need you so much. I'm scared and I don't know what to do. YOU HAVE TO HELP ME!" I prayed at the airport, on the plane, over and over again when I woke up during those 17 hours.
Finally we landed in Joburg. Well, this is it. God, help. I followed the crowd into the huge airport. I still didn't know about my baggage, so I just decided to go to baggage claim and look. I stood there for a good while, but never saw my bag. So I just started walking, toward what looked like the main atrium of the airport. It was a long walk, because this airport is HUGE. As I was walking I tried to hold back the tears. Trying not to look obvious. But it didn't really work. I kept praying "Lord, where is my husband? I need him! Why am I always alone! I don't know where to go or what to do!" .....Little did I know that God was teaching me how to rely fully on Him and no one else. He had removed every comfort and security, everything I had used in the past to lean on, and stripped me of all that I usually cling to, and left me with nothing but HIM. To show me that He is all I need.
*You will never learn that God is truly all you need, until He is all you have.*
So finally, I made it to the atrium and saw people holding up signs. I looked at them all and didn't see my name, so I just decided to walk to the bathroom and try to regain composure. "GOD, I NEED YOU. HELP!" "Breathe Hannah, just breathe." Now as I look back on this, I realize that during this whole time, I never stopped praying. I was constantly talking to the Lord, and He was talking back to me. I was learning how to be in constant communion with Him. As I left the restroom, I walked out and saw a girl standing there with some luggage. I met her and found out she was a Harvest School student as well. Praise the Lord, I was not alone anymore. We stood there talking and waiting for a representative from our hotel to pick us up. He eventually showed up and took us to our hotel.
I tell all of this to show how I started. I started so weak. Scared, anxious, frightened. Now let me tell you how I finished.
BRAVE. STRONG AND COURAGEOUS. FEARLESS.
With only a week or so left in the school, I remember one evening I walked up to one of the prayer huts to watch the amazing sunset. (African sunsets, you can imagine, are breathtaking) I thought back to the first time I had been in this prayer hut, watching a sunset. It was a couple of weeks after I had arrived, and I was up there, standing on the ledge, holding onto a post and in my heart were so many questions.
"Where am I going? What is God doing with me? I don't know anything. What should I do? What is the next step? What about this boy? What about the desires of my heart? What if I'm supposed to be single? What if I'm called to a different place? What if I'm called to do this alone, to prove that God is all you need? Where am I supposed to go? What's going to happen after this? I don't want to go back home and just do what I was doing before. I want to be living out what's in my heart. I want to dream and watch these dreams happen!" .....etc. etc. etc. SOOOO many questions. So many fears. SO many worries, on and on and on. And as I thought about that one evening, I started smiling. Because now, only a month or so later, ALL of those questions, were GONE. Just wiped away, all of them. I watched the sunset, and full of peace. I actually could enjoy the beauty of the sky this time. I could actually breathe. My heart was free and there wasn't all this heavyness of fear and questions weighing on my heart. God had done SUCH a work in me.
Some of the biggest tools He used to do this work were little dirty chocolate faces. Tiny dirt huts where families made their homes. The humility and simpicity of poverty. A little 11 year old girl named Memona. God used Memona to mold my heart. He took out things that were never meant to be there, and put in things that were always supposed to. He grew my heart so big I thought it would explode with love. As Memona and I walked on the beach together almost every day, I saw how all my fear and worry was nothing. I saw the faithfulness of God. I felt His nearness, His closeness. I learned how well He takes care of His children. I felt all my doubt wash away. Doubt that He was really going to take care of me. It all washed away. I was immsersed in the love of the Father as He allowed me to love this beautiful treasure and to watch her cold heart open. Memona doesn't talk much, and she also doesn't smile much. By the end of my time in Mozambique, I had her laughing and dancing with me almost every day. It was beautiful to watch. She is a beloved princess and I cannot tell you how much GOD LOVES HER. God let me feel His love for this girl and it overwhelmed me. My own worries were nothing. When has God ever failed me? When has he forsaken me or left me on my own? When has He not been faithful? NEVER.
The things the Lord spoke to me in Mozambique will stay with me forever because they are forever engraved on my heart. They are part of the journey, and part of my growth. If they weren't there, I wouldn't be where I'm supposed to be right now.
He will ALWAYS take care of me.
I will never be by myself.
He is my Provider.
He comforts me.
The Holy Spirit lives inside of me
I truly can do EVERYTHING through Christ who GIVES ME STRENGTH,
I can go ANYWHERE with HIM!
If He called me to the most dangerous, dark place on earth, I would be completely safe because HE called me there. I would rather be there in that dark place with HIM, than in safety and comfort without Him.
WHEN GOD CALLS YOU TO SOMETHING, YOU CAN DO WHAT HE CALLS YOU TO. ALWAYS.
He will always make a way.
I wasn't even supposed to go to this school. It was too full, they had already accepted as many as they had room for. But God had asked me to go. I told Him if I got accepted, I would go. I wasn't sure how my heart would handle it, because I knew that I wanted to be with a family, a husband, a group of people who aren't going anywhere. But God wanted me to know that He is all I need. I don't have to have that family around me to live this life. So He asked me to go to Mozambique by myself. The school was full but God moved on the hearts of those in leadership to open up for double the amount, because there were more. God knew He had plans for me there. So he made a way. And I obeyed. At first I could not see why I needed to come here, but now I do. My heart needed that foundation that if He is all that I have, it's enough. My heart needed to know the safety and security of the nearness of the Holy Spirit. He made me brave.
My heart found its home. It's funny that it happened in the place farthest away from "home". God always knows the best way : )
As we drove to the tiny Pemba airport in huge camions, sitting on the back, on top of all our luggage, I KNEW, without a doubt, that even if I wasn't traveling with this big group of students, I could TOTALLY do it by myself. I could travel the world by myself, with only God with me. I KNEW I could do it. Because the Holy Spirit truly became my best friend. I felt His nearness every day. He was so close to me.
There were so many days when I thought "I can't do this anymore." I was exhausted, I was filthy, I was so hot. I didn't have any strength left in me, let alone any more love to pour out on all these needy children. But as I pressed through and kept my eyes on Him, He became my strength. He proved Himself and who He is. I was SO weak. I had absolutely NOTHING to give.
But I finished so strong. HE MADE ME BRAVE, BOLD AND FEARLESS.!!!!!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
The Peanut Lady
I have learned so much about God and about people from the Peanut Lady. Let me tell you about her. (I deeply regret that I do not have a picture of her, my camera broke about halfway through the school :(
What I loved most about my time in Africa was visiting Mozambican families in their dirt homes. I wanted to spend allllll of my time in the villages. I wish I could have. But anyway, the times I did spend in the villages were wonderful.
Whenever I would leave one specific village to get back to the base, I would turn a corner onto the main street, and right across the street there was a lady sitting there in the dirt, selling roasted peanuts. I would see her every time I left that particular village. One day I decided to go meet her. I only know a small bit of Portuguese, (Poco!!) and then I found out this woman didn't even speak Portuguese. So what little bit I did know really didn't do any good. So we were absolutely language-barrierred. But I sat down next to her in the dirt, and just sat there with her for a few hours. We laughed and tried to communicate, and some kids joined us, and we just had a fun time.
Every day I left that village, I went over to see the peanut lady. I just really enjoyed sitting there with her, even though we weren't doing anything. We became good friends never knowing a word the other was saying.
I will never forget her. The more time I spent with her, the more we learned how to communicate in other ways than words. I know that she saw the love of Jesus in me, because every time she saw me, she would break into this huge smile and call for me to come sit with her. She was blessed by my company and I was beyond blessed by just sitting there with her.
I figured out ways to make her laugh. One day she had some friends with her. I don't think any of them spoke Portuguese either. They all spoke Makua, which is a Mozambican tribal language. Anyway, so her friends were with her, and I came and sat next to her, meeting her friends. Then they all started talking together. I wanted them to know that I was not just some rich American who didn't really care about their culture. I wanted them to feel like I respected them, and respected Mozambique, and I really genuinely enjoyed them.
Whenever one of them would say something, I would wait and listen for a part of their speech that was easy to say, and then I would say it just like they did, really fast like them. And of course it was never right, but they would get such a kick out of it. Every time I would try to say stuff in their language, they would all just laugh SO hard. I had so much fun making them laugh. And one day I even tried to teach some kids a dance while I was with her, and she enjoyed that SO much.
The Lord really allowed me to bring so much joy to this woman. I seriously could just go sit with her all day and I would be happy.
"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18
I never witnessed to the peanut lady. I never got to have a conversation with her. But LOVE is so much bigger than words. Jesus is real, and He just wants to be with people and love them. I really believe that if He was walking the earth right now, and living in Mozambique, that He would be sitting with the Peanut Lady. Love truly breaks all barriers. It transcends all cultures. It can shatter through even the hardest hearts.
The day before I left, I ran out to see the peanut lady one last time. I gave her a capulana (which is a long piece of cloth that is worn around the waist as a long skirt- it can also be used for just about anything else--baby carriers, tablecloths, bags, etc. etc. etc.) and she just got the hugest smile on her face, stood up and gave me a huge hug. Just before I left, I hugged her again and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and I walked away from her knowing she had seen Jesus through me. I also knew she had been a tool in the hands of God to do a WHOLE LOT of work on my heart.
Sometimes the simplest things teach you the most. Sometimes the smallest things do the biggest work.
What I loved most about my time in Africa was visiting Mozambican families in their dirt homes. I wanted to spend allllll of my time in the villages. I wish I could have. But anyway, the times I did spend in the villages were wonderful.
Whenever I would leave one specific village to get back to the base, I would turn a corner onto the main street, and right across the street there was a lady sitting there in the dirt, selling roasted peanuts. I would see her every time I left that particular village. One day I decided to go meet her. I only know a small bit of Portuguese, (Poco!!) and then I found out this woman didn't even speak Portuguese. So what little bit I did know really didn't do any good. So we were absolutely language-barrierred. But I sat down next to her in the dirt, and just sat there with her for a few hours. We laughed and tried to communicate, and some kids joined us, and we just had a fun time.
Every day I left that village, I went over to see the peanut lady. I just really enjoyed sitting there with her, even though we weren't doing anything. We became good friends never knowing a word the other was saying.
I will never forget her. The more time I spent with her, the more we learned how to communicate in other ways than words. I know that she saw the love of Jesus in me, because every time she saw me, she would break into this huge smile and call for me to come sit with her. She was blessed by my company and I was beyond blessed by just sitting there with her.
I figured out ways to make her laugh. One day she had some friends with her. I don't think any of them spoke Portuguese either. They all spoke Makua, which is a Mozambican tribal language. Anyway, so her friends were with her, and I came and sat next to her, meeting her friends. Then they all started talking together. I wanted them to know that I was not just some rich American who didn't really care about their culture. I wanted them to feel like I respected them, and respected Mozambique, and I really genuinely enjoyed them.
Whenever one of them would say something, I would wait and listen for a part of their speech that was easy to say, and then I would say it just like they did, really fast like them. And of course it was never right, but they would get such a kick out of it. Every time I would try to say stuff in their language, they would all just laugh SO hard. I had so much fun making them laugh. And one day I even tried to teach some kids a dance while I was with her, and she enjoyed that SO much.
The Lord really allowed me to bring so much joy to this woman. I seriously could just go sit with her all day and I would be happy.
"Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:18
I never witnessed to the peanut lady. I never got to have a conversation with her. But LOVE is so much bigger than words. Jesus is real, and He just wants to be with people and love them. I really believe that if He was walking the earth right now, and living in Mozambique, that He would be sitting with the Peanut Lady. Love truly breaks all barriers. It transcends all cultures. It can shatter through even the hardest hearts.
The day before I left, I ran out to see the peanut lady one last time. I gave her a capulana (which is a long piece of cloth that is worn around the waist as a long skirt- it can also be used for just about anything else--baby carriers, tablecloths, bags, etc. etc. etc.) and she just got the hugest smile on her face, stood up and gave me a huge hug. Just before I left, I hugged her again and gave her a kiss on the cheek, and I walked away from her knowing she had seen Jesus through me. I also knew she had been a tool in the hands of God to do a WHOLE LOT of work on my heart.
Sometimes the simplest things teach you the most. Sometimes the smallest things do the biggest work.
Journal Entries June - August
JUNE 18
This whole weekend has been wonderful. I’m sitting here in dirt, absolutely filthy and messy and I love the Kingdom. He has taught me so much about Himself through these people. I LOVE the people. LOVE them. So much. I loved walking through the villages and visiting these people and praying for them. God cares so much about these small unknown villages up in the middle of nowhere. HE CARES SO MUCH for the people that no one really knows about. None of their stories are unknown. He sees their lives and their stories. He knows them. Sometimes it makes me wonder why doesn’t God help them when they are desperate? I just want them to understand the Gospel. I want them to get it. I want their hearts to comprehend the reality of the Gospel. And not any ”western” version or culturized thing but the real Gospel in all its glory and simplicity. It really isn’t complicated. God is not American. He is the King of Kings who reigns over all the earth. Not just one nation. He rules the earth: ALL NATIONS. God is not cultural, He is LOVE. John 3:16--God loved the WORLD. Every single tribe and tongue.
JUNE 19
I love how there are so many different nations represented here! In my house alone these countries are represented:
AMERICA
ENGLAND
NEW ZEALAND
AUSTRALIA
TAIWAN
SWITZERLAND
NORWAY
And these states:
FLORIDA
TEXAS
COLORADO
IOWA
WISCONSIN
And we all gather together in AFRICA!! God is truly gathering His Bride and making her ready from every nation, tribe and tongue. This is so beautiful.
JUNE 20
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity, my clarity……Today has been one of those pivotal days. I just came back from weekend outreach and today I just wanted to rest and be clean. But I had told some village friends that on Sunday we would go to their house. So we had to go. The whole day I have been kinda out of it and just tired and not in the mood for a hundred kids grabbing onto me and making me dirty. I kept thinking in my head “I didn’t want to get dirty today!” And I’ve been feeling so selfish; like I don’t really care about the Mozambicans and it’s kinda wearing on my heart a little. It’s making me sad that I feel so selfish. But anyway, we visited Memona and her family again, they cooked us a meal again. And as I was sitting there in that little dirt house I remember thinking about how Jesus left glory to come into a dirt house like this. It is so mind blowing to think about that. Then we visited another house and they gave us fried sweetbread they were making. And as we sat on a little grass mat, we met the family and a young 23-year-old mother of 4 named Isa, who looked so depressed and downtrodden and her face was so burdened. We don’t know much of her story because we didn’t have a translator, but we found out that she’s really only a mother of 3 children because one of them died. And also that she can’t feed her babies. So we prayed for her and she just looked down at the ground the whole time. We prayed again and started speaking life and joy to her and commanding depression to go, and when we were finished she looks up and starts smiling, and then one of our girls points at the sky and then to Isa’s heart and says, “Jesus Christ loves you, a lot.” Isa starts to cry and smile at the same time. The Holy Spirit was working so much on her heart. Then she took the witchcraft bracelet off her sleeping baby’s wrist, and we threw it in the fire. We all gave her hugs and kisses and she was so happy. The LORD came down and wrapped His Papa arms around her this day. And I believe that she is going to feed her babies. …I didn’t want to get dirty today. This was my day off. I didn’t want to go anywhere today. I just wanted to lay on my grass-bed in the hut and soak. But Jesus wants me like Him. So He invites me to get down and get dirty and LOVE. Love MORE; love AGAIN, when I feel like I’ve exhausted my supply of love for the rest of the whole week. When I feel like I have nothing more to give. Well, fill me up, God. There’s always more, and there’s always enough. Don’t stop loving, and don’t stop losing yourself.
JUNE 29
I just had a vision while we were singing ‘I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, there’s nothing I hold onto…’ …..of me with open hands, climbing up my own mountain to the rhythm of God’s heartbeat, and each step I took climbing up this mountain, was to a beat of His heart. It was my own mountain because God knows my heart and what I can handle. Sometimes I feel like my mountains and valleys are so small. But He takes me and my heart seriously and He knows it is real. My mountains and valleys are as real to Him as they are to me.
JUNE 30
Lord, help me go lower because I haven’t been doing a very good job. I am terrible at this. I am so not good at being like you Jesus. I’m so selfish. I’m awful at sharing and giving and serving. All I think about is myself. Lord, help me. I can’t do this. Only you can make me like you.
JULY 1
Tonight after weeping for hours up in the prayer hut, I got another vision. I saw myself running in this race, with one of those numbers taped onto my shirt, and my Father was running with me, like holding me and helping me run, and we were going together and I knew I could do it. But then someone from the sidelines yelled out to me “You’re all alone!” and I started freaking out and getting scared, and stumbling while I ran because I believed that person, which was absolutely ridiculous because I could see and feel my Dad RIGHT NEXT TO ME, I KNEW He was there. My dad was running with me and someone told me I was all alone and I believed them. And it caused me to lose my balance running and slow down and almost fall. But then I saw my Dad and He said “Look at me! You can do this! I’m running right next to you, my little girl!” And He started clapping and cheering me on saying, “RUN! RUN! YOU CAN DO THIS! RUN!” ……Why on earth would I look at the sidelines and listen to anything they are saying?
JULY 2
The reason I was able to say yes is because you made me brave. The reason I was able to pack up all my stuff and get on a plane and fly halfway across the world all by myself is because you made me brave. I never would have been able to do this without you. I’m here because you make me Brave. You make me courageous, bold and fearless. You teach me how to laugh in the face of fear and laugh at the enemy and his lies. You remind me how foolish those lies are. You are the One who gives me the song to sing in the face of fear. I’m going to have days like yesterday when it seems like everything is just crumbling to the ground around me and I get so tired and burned out that I literally have to fall back into His arms and let him carry me. But those days come and then they go, and the sun rises again, and the morning brings me word of your unfailing love and I find a double portion of grace and strength to keep going. And I find joy for the journey. Because you’re always faithful. The journey is always worth it.
JULY 7
Sometimes I feel like I can’t take the dirt anymore. I can’t take the smell and the dust and the filth anymore. I’ve had enough. I need to go home. I have no more grace left to do this. Yet, I’m still here and I still have a while to go. And I have to stay here. And I feel like I can’t be around a swarm of kids anymore, and as soon as I think that, I get a swarm of dirty filthy kids around me. Stretching and stretching and stretching some more. I don’t know all that’s happening to me, but Lord, come have your way in me. I NEED SO MUCH GRACE………….
JULY 20
It’s been a lot easier to just laugh when things go wrong instead of flip out. It’s actually funny. God has taught me how to lighten up and not be so uptight. It’s so frustrating that it’s actually hilarious. I don’t know how that works. But it does. I would rather be happy than angry so I’m just going to be happy. I know my Daddy and his great faithfulness to me and nothing is going to change that.
JULY 23
The more I spend time in the villages with the people, the more I get emptied of me.
JULY 27
Lord Jesus, please be my strength! This day has been so hard! I have those frustrating days and then they end and I think, OK that’s it, no more, the rest of these days are going to be good. But they keep getting hard and frustrating. Why do I get to the checkout counter with all my groceries today and after she rings everything up my card doesn’t work. Why does our water shut off RIGHT when I have soap ALL over my face in the shower? Lord, I’m sick of going to bed in bugs and sweat and dirt. I’m sick of having freaking bites all over me and having who knows what in my feet. I don’t know if I can take one more day of being dirty. Lord I am a girl ok? I like to be clean. I’ve done this for 2 months and I’m just ready to come home. I’m sorry Lord this is getting too overwhelming. I know I’ll probably be fine tomorrow but right now I’m so exhausted of this. Thank you for leading me here. But please give me more grace, God. You said your grace is sufficient for me. Lord I need you so much. I’m almost done. I don’t want to get beat down this far in the race. I’m almost there, God. Give me strength and give me grace. You are faithful, God, no matter what I feel.
JULY 28
Tonight I saw a shooting star. God is so faithful and so good to me. I am so changed. I am so full of courage and boldness and NO FEAR!! I am fearless, I am not afraid! I laugh in the face of my enemy for I am victorious with my King. I am transformed. I am brave, valiant, tenacious, bold and strong. I am a woman, no longer a little girl. I am a warrior bride and a queen. Thank you Lord for your great faithfulness to me and your works and your ways!
AUGUST 1
It amazes me that 2 months ago I could see the phrase “new adventures begin” and absolutely freak out and be full of anxiety, and now I see that phrase on our wall, knowing that it will be true in just 5 days, and my very first reaction is to smile. And I get excited. I see that phrase “new adventures begin” and I don’t get sad that the current season is ending; I get so excited that there are new adventures to begin in just a few days! I love the feeling of sweet victory. I’m not scared, I am fearless. This is so amazing. I didn’t think I could do it and I did.
AUGUST 3
In class today I had a vision. God was putting all these things into my hands that I was going to need for my assignment. Money, papers, food and water, and He was just putting all this stuff in my hands, while I stood there receiving it all. I was getting ready to go, and getting prepared. He just kept throwing necessary stuff into my hands. Then He slid a ring onto my left ring finger. Then He handed me a paper with my name in big letters at the top of the paper, and I knew it was my assignment. Then He led me to this gate and opened the gate and said, “Let’s go! Let’s run!!”
This whole weekend has been wonderful. I’m sitting here in dirt, absolutely filthy and messy and I love the Kingdom. He has taught me so much about Himself through these people. I LOVE the people. LOVE them. So much. I loved walking through the villages and visiting these people and praying for them. God cares so much about these small unknown villages up in the middle of nowhere. HE CARES SO MUCH for the people that no one really knows about. None of their stories are unknown. He sees their lives and their stories. He knows them. Sometimes it makes me wonder why doesn’t God help them when they are desperate? I just want them to understand the Gospel. I want them to get it. I want their hearts to comprehend the reality of the Gospel. And not any ”western” version or culturized thing but the real Gospel in all its glory and simplicity. It really isn’t complicated. God is not American. He is the King of Kings who reigns over all the earth. Not just one nation. He rules the earth: ALL NATIONS. God is not cultural, He is LOVE. John 3:16--God loved the WORLD. Every single tribe and tongue.
JUNE 19
I love how there are so many different nations represented here! In my house alone these countries are represented:
AMERICA
ENGLAND
NEW ZEALAND
AUSTRALIA
TAIWAN
SWITZERLAND
NORWAY
And these states:
FLORIDA
TEXAS
COLORADO
IOWA
WISCONSIN
And we all gather together in AFRICA!! God is truly gathering His Bride and making her ready from every nation, tribe and tongue. This is so beautiful.
JUNE 20
Sweet Jesus Christ, my sanity, my clarity……Today has been one of those pivotal days. I just came back from weekend outreach and today I just wanted to rest and be clean. But I had told some village friends that on Sunday we would go to their house. So we had to go. The whole day I have been kinda out of it and just tired and not in the mood for a hundred kids grabbing onto me and making me dirty. I kept thinking in my head “I didn’t want to get dirty today!” And I’ve been feeling so selfish; like I don’t really care about the Mozambicans and it’s kinda wearing on my heart a little. It’s making me sad that I feel so selfish. But anyway, we visited Memona and her family again, they cooked us a meal again. And as I was sitting there in that little dirt house I remember thinking about how Jesus left glory to come into a dirt house like this. It is so mind blowing to think about that. Then we visited another house and they gave us fried sweetbread they were making. And as we sat on a little grass mat, we met the family and a young 23-year-old mother of 4 named Isa, who looked so depressed and downtrodden and her face was so burdened. We don’t know much of her story because we didn’t have a translator, but we found out that she’s really only a mother of 3 children because one of them died. And also that she can’t feed her babies. So we prayed for her and she just looked down at the ground the whole time. We prayed again and started speaking life and joy to her and commanding depression to go, and when we were finished she looks up and starts smiling, and then one of our girls points at the sky and then to Isa’s heart and says, “Jesus Christ loves you, a lot.” Isa starts to cry and smile at the same time. The Holy Spirit was working so much on her heart. Then she took the witchcraft bracelet off her sleeping baby’s wrist, and we threw it in the fire. We all gave her hugs and kisses and she was so happy. The LORD came down and wrapped His Papa arms around her this day. And I believe that she is going to feed her babies. …I didn’t want to get dirty today. This was my day off. I didn’t want to go anywhere today. I just wanted to lay on my grass-bed in the hut and soak. But Jesus wants me like Him. So He invites me to get down and get dirty and LOVE. Love MORE; love AGAIN, when I feel like I’ve exhausted my supply of love for the rest of the whole week. When I feel like I have nothing more to give. Well, fill me up, God. There’s always more, and there’s always enough. Don’t stop loving, and don’t stop losing yourself.
JUNE 29
I just had a vision while we were singing ‘I will climb this mountain with my hands wide open, there’s nothing I hold onto…’ …..of me with open hands, climbing up my own mountain to the rhythm of God’s heartbeat, and each step I took climbing up this mountain, was to a beat of His heart. It was my own mountain because God knows my heart and what I can handle. Sometimes I feel like my mountains and valleys are so small. But He takes me and my heart seriously and He knows it is real. My mountains and valleys are as real to Him as they are to me.
JUNE 30
Lord, help me go lower because I haven’t been doing a very good job. I am terrible at this. I am so not good at being like you Jesus. I’m so selfish. I’m awful at sharing and giving and serving. All I think about is myself. Lord, help me. I can’t do this. Only you can make me like you.
JULY 1
Tonight after weeping for hours up in the prayer hut, I got another vision. I saw myself running in this race, with one of those numbers taped onto my shirt, and my Father was running with me, like holding me and helping me run, and we were going together and I knew I could do it. But then someone from the sidelines yelled out to me “You’re all alone!” and I started freaking out and getting scared, and stumbling while I ran because I believed that person, which was absolutely ridiculous because I could see and feel my Dad RIGHT NEXT TO ME, I KNEW He was there. My dad was running with me and someone told me I was all alone and I believed them. And it caused me to lose my balance running and slow down and almost fall. But then I saw my Dad and He said “Look at me! You can do this! I’m running right next to you, my little girl!” And He started clapping and cheering me on saying, “RUN! RUN! YOU CAN DO THIS! RUN!” ……Why on earth would I look at the sidelines and listen to anything they are saying?
JULY 2
The reason I was able to say yes is because you made me brave. The reason I was able to pack up all my stuff and get on a plane and fly halfway across the world all by myself is because you made me brave. I never would have been able to do this without you. I’m here because you make me Brave. You make me courageous, bold and fearless. You teach me how to laugh in the face of fear and laugh at the enemy and his lies. You remind me how foolish those lies are. You are the One who gives me the song to sing in the face of fear. I’m going to have days like yesterday when it seems like everything is just crumbling to the ground around me and I get so tired and burned out that I literally have to fall back into His arms and let him carry me. But those days come and then they go, and the sun rises again, and the morning brings me word of your unfailing love and I find a double portion of grace and strength to keep going. And I find joy for the journey. Because you’re always faithful. The journey is always worth it.
JULY 7
Sometimes I feel like I can’t take the dirt anymore. I can’t take the smell and the dust and the filth anymore. I’ve had enough. I need to go home. I have no more grace left to do this. Yet, I’m still here and I still have a while to go. And I have to stay here. And I feel like I can’t be around a swarm of kids anymore, and as soon as I think that, I get a swarm of dirty filthy kids around me. Stretching and stretching and stretching some more. I don’t know all that’s happening to me, but Lord, come have your way in me. I NEED SO MUCH GRACE………….
JULY 20
It’s been a lot easier to just laugh when things go wrong instead of flip out. It’s actually funny. God has taught me how to lighten up and not be so uptight. It’s so frustrating that it’s actually hilarious. I don’t know how that works. But it does. I would rather be happy than angry so I’m just going to be happy. I know my Daddy and his great faithfulness to me and nothing is going to change that.
JULY 23
The more I spend time in the villages with the people, the more I get emptied of me.
JULY 27
Lord Jesus, please be my strength! This day has been so hard! I have those frustrating days and then they end and I think, OK that’s it, no more, the rest of these days are going to be good. But they keep getting hard and frustrating. Why do I get to the checkout counter with all my groceries today and after she rings everything up my card doesn’t work. Why does our water shut off RIGHT when I have soap ALL over my face in the shower? Lord, I’m sick of going to bed in bugs and sweat and dirt. I’m sick of having freaking bites all over me and having who knows what in my feet. I don’t know if I can take one more day of being dirty. Lord I am a girl ok? I like to be clean. I’ve done this for 2 months and I’m just ready to come home. I’m sorry Lord this is getting too overwhelming. I know I’ll probably be fine tomorrow but right now I’m so exhausted of this. Thank you for leading me here. But please give me more grace, God. You said your grace is sufficient for me. Lord I need you so much. I’m almost done. I don’t want to get beat down this far in the race. I’m almost there, God. Give me strength and give me grace. You are faithful, God, no matter what I feel.
JULY 28
Tonight I saw a shooting star. God is so faithful and so good to me. I am so changed. I am so full of courage and boldness and NO FEAR!! I am fearless, I am not afraid! I laugh in the face of my enemy for I am victorious with my King. I am transformed. I am brave, valiant, tenacious, bold and strong. I am a woman, no longer a little girl. I am a warrior bride and a queen. Thank you Lord for your great faithfulness to me and your works and your ways!
AUGUST 1
It amazes me that 2 months ago I could see the phrase “new adventures begin” and absolutely freak out and be full of anxiety, and now I see that phrase on our wall, knowing that it will be true in just 5 days, and my very first reaction is to smile. And I get excited. I see that phrase “new adventures begin” and I don’t get sad that the current season is ending; I get so excited that there are new adventures to begin in just a few days! I love the feeling of sweet victory. I’m not scared, I am fearless. This is so amazing. I didn’t think I could do it and I did.
AUGUST 3
In class today I had a vision. God was putting all these things into my hands that I was going to need for my assignment. Money, papers, food and water, and He was just putting all this stuff in my hands, while I stood there receiving it all. I was getting ready to go, and getting prepared. He just kept throwing necessary stuff into my hands. Then He slid a ring onto my left ring finger. Then He handed me a paper with my name in big letters at the top of the paper, and I knew it was my assignment. Then He led me to this gate and opened the gate and said, “Let’s go! Let’s run!!”
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
I'm Home!!!
Now that my journey is over, I am going to post some of my journal entries from my time in Mozambique. Here's the first batch. More to come!!
JUNE 1
Today God told me "Go low, Hannah." So I tried to do that today, and I know He meant for me to live that way while I'm here, and for the rest of my life. I've only been here for 2 days and I feel like I've been here forever. I think I'm already getting used to it even though it's still really tough doing normal, practical things that I usually never have a problem with, that usually come like second nature. Ughh. It's really hard. But I feel like in a week or so I should be totally adjusted. I can do this. I really can. Jesus is worth it. .....I'm ready. My heart is just so full of anticipation. I'm so ready to find out what God's planning. I love this life! I have no idea what's about to happen. Things are about to get crazy! Lord, break me, wreck me, turn me inside out and upside down. I know that's a dangerous prayer. But there's no other way to shake this earth with your glory. Father, here I am. Mark me and call me, lead me and guide me. And I pray for the man you want to bring me to. LEAD him, perfectly Lord. You are in control, come have your way. This is all for you, I love you Jesus!
JUNE 3
I love how everywhere you go, people are people. It's so funny. People are the same. I love it. ......I think it's hilarious that whenever we have fish with our rice, they just stick a dead fish on top of the rice. It's cooked, but they don't skin it or behead it or anything, it's just a fish sittign there on my rice, with fins and a head and a tail, all scaly and full of bones, and its just looking up at me, and that's my dinner. It cracks me up. :)
JUNE 7
God has been speaking so much to me. I did my part - I obeyed Him. And He is doing His. He is speaking to me and leading me. I came here and that was my part to play. It was my step to take. My thing was to just jump in. And I did it. Trembling, but I jumped anyway. No turning back, I've made up my mind. I'm giving all of my life this time. I was so blessed sitting out on the front porch of another house tonight with 4 or 5 girls I barely even knew and just singing our hearts out to Jesus with a guitar. We worshiped for hours. It was so beautiful. Just girls. There was so much power and authority in our song, especially when we were all singing melody, it got louder and it was just so powerful. It's the song of the warrior princess. "Your love makes it worth it, your love makes it worth it, your love makes it worth it all." I am going to fulfill my destiny. I am going to live out this story. Not someone else's. MINE. MY STORY. I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE CALL OF GOD ON MY LIFE. I am destined for greatness. I am royalty.
JUNE 12
I just have to remind myself that I'm just here to give myself away. So I'm going to be sweaty, I'm going to be dirty, and there's gonna be dirty hands in my hair and grabbing my arms and touching my face and vying for my attention ALL the TIME. So when I start to feel like I can't take it anymore
"SISTA!! SISTA! SISTA!!!"
I just need to close my eyes and remember why I'm here. Jesus would give and give until he DRAINED HIMSELF DRY. So I need to do the same. Come on Hannah. Just be sweaty for 2 months. Just stop caring what you look like because it's not about you. Just lay down your life. Just keep on going. Lower still. "Come up here to the lowest place."
JUNE 13
This is a place I Never imagined I would go. AFRICA? Like, why Africa? Why on earth would I go there? The Lord called me to come away on a great adventure when I was 16, and adventure involves going places you never expected. That's why it's an adventure. Yesterday while I was snorkeling, looking at all the beautiful fish and coral of the Indian ocean, I kept getting hit with this wave of wonder. Like, wow! Who would have thought I would be here! Jesus had and has such amazing plans for me! He takes me to incredible places, not only physically in the earth but in my heart. He does so much to my heart. Jesus is the only person I have ever and will ever know that has SUCH an amazing incredible impact in my life. Not only an impact, but a radical, transforming, reformation of my life!!!! NO ONE ELSE has done such amazing works. Hallelujah, God you have done great things!!!
JUNE 15
We had such a beautiful time today washing the feet of our Mozambican pastors and having our own feet washed by them. When I washed one man's feet, he broke down weeping and kept weeping for a long while after. These pastors were all weeping! It was so beautiful. They are amazing. The love of Christ is amazing. It really blessed me so much. It was so unifying. They are poor, but they are SO rich. THEY ARE SO RICH. Oh Jesus, let me learn from the Mozambicans.
JUNE 1
Today God told me "Go low, Hannah." So I tried to do that today, and I know He meant for me to live that way while I'm here, and for the rest of my life. I've only been here for 2 days and I feel like I've been here forever. I think I'm already getting used to it even though it's still really tough doing normal, practical things that I usually never have a problem with, that usually come like second nature. Ughh. It's really hard. But I feel like in a week or so I should be totally adjusted. I can do this. I really can. Jesus is worth it. .....I'm ready. My heart is just so full of anticipation. I'm so ready to find out what God's planning. I love this life! I have no idea what's about to happen. Things are about to get crazy! Lord, break me, wreck me, turn me inside out and upside down. I know that's a dangerous prayer. But there's no other way to shake this earth with your glory. Father, here I am. Mark me and call me, lead me and guide me. And I pray for the man you want to bring me to. LEAD him, perfectly Lord. You are in control, come have your way. This is all for you, I love you Jesus!
JUNE 3
I love how everywhere you go, people are people. It's so funny. People are the same. I love it. ......I think it's hilarious that whenever we have fish with our rice, they just stick a dead fish on top of the rice. It's cooked, but they don't skin it or behead it or anything, it's just a fish sittign there on my rice, with fins and a head and a tail, all scaly and full of bones, and its just looking up at me, and that's my dinner. It cracks me up. :)
JUNE 7
God has been speaking so much to me. I did my part - I obeyed Him. And He is doing His. He is speaking to me and leading me. I came here and that was my part to play. It was my step to take. My thing was to just jump in. And I did it. Trembling, but I jumped anyway. No turning back, I've made up my mind. I'm giving all of my life this time. I was so blessed sitting out on the front porch of another house tonight with 4 or 5 girls I barely even knew and just singing our hearts out to Jesus with a guitar. We worshiped for hours. It was so beautiful. Just girls. There was so much power and authority in our song, especially when we were all singing melody, it got louder and it was just so powerful. It's the song of the warrior princess. "Your love makes it worth it, your love makes it worth it, your love makes it worth it all." I am going to fulfill my destiny. I am going to live out this story. Not someone else's. MINE. MY STORY. I'M GOING TO ANSWER THE CALL OF GOD ON MY LIFE. I am destined for greatness. I am royalty.
JUNE 12
I just have to remind myself that I'm just here to give myself away. So I'm going to be sweaty, I'm going to be dirty, and there's gonna be dirty hands in my hair and grabbing my arms and touching my face and vying for my attention ALL the TIME. So when I start to feel like I can't take it anymore
"SISTA!! SISTA! SISTA!!!"
I just need to close my eyes and remember why I'm here. Jesus would give and give until he DRAINED HIMSELF DRY. So I need to do the same. Come on Hannah. Just be sweaty for 2 months. Just stop caring what you look like because it's not about you. Just lay down your life. Just keep on going. Lower still. "Come up here to the lowest place."
JUNE 13
This is a place I Never imagined I would go. AFRICA? Like, why Africa? Why on earth would I go there? The Lord called me to come away on a great adventure when I was 16, and adventure involves going places you never expected. That's why it's an adventure. Yesterday while I was snorkeling, looking at all the beautiful fish and coral of the Indian ocean, I kept getting hit with this wave of wonder. Like, wow! Who would have thought I would be here! Jesus had and has such amazing plans for me! He takes me to incredible places, not only physically in the earth but in my heart. He does so much to my heart. Jesus is the only person I have ever and will ever know that has SUCH an amazing incredible impact in my life. Not only an impact, but a radical, transforming, reformation of my life!!!! NO ONE ELSE has done such amazing works. Hallelujah, God you have done great things!!!
JUNE 15
We had such a beautiful time today washing the feet of our Mozambican pastors and having our own feet washed by them. When I washed one man's feet, he broke down weeping and kept weeping for a long while after. These pastors were all weeping! It was so beautiful. They are amazing. The love of Christ is amazing. It really blessed me so much. It was so unifying. They are poor, but they are SO rich. THEY ARE SO RICH. Oh Jesus, let me learn from the Mozambicans.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Do little things with lots of love
If I'm enjoying this time here in Africa, I'm in a really good place.
If I'm enduring this time in Africa, I'm also in a really good place.
I must say that I am both.
These past few months have been the most stretching time I have had in a long while. Let me share a few details that will help give illustration to that statement:
In this last week alone, the following things have happened to me:
1 My camera broke
2 The ATM machine swallowed my credit card (don't worry, I got it back..the next day..talk about a nervous night)
3 I have been swarmed by mobs of sweaty, dirty kids more than the entire time I have been here, kids that like to jerk arms and legs, pull hair, spit, punch, slap and etc. etc. etc.
4) I have bruises, scrapes and cuts ALLLL over my body in various places, some I don't even know how I got.
5) I tried for 4 days in a row to get on the internet to check my bank account, send emails and other stuff, and each time I walked into the computer place, I was greeted with a shaking head (which means the internet connection is down)...
This is just some of the stuff that has happened.
Before this week though, my ipod was stolen, and I borrowed a friends ipod touch, which was also stolen because I left it on our front porch. So I am responsible for 2new ipods. AHHHH
Every day that I am tested and tried, I have a choice to make. I have felt like crying almost every day this week. But it's my choice to act on that, or to just do the complete opposite thing and just laugh. That second choice goes against every fiber of every emotion in me.
Every day that has stretched me, I have overcome by just laughing. I would much rather be happy than be angry. I know my Father and He always takes care of me. I know that everything is all going to work out. So when stuff like the above happens, I have started to just find it funny. It's been a real blessing to know that He has shaped my character so much in just 2 months that I could go from being anxious and freaking out to just laughing.
When I have a frustrating day, I just laugh. And I know that the next day will be better. But then......the next day is just like the last. It's frustrating and trying AGAIN. So I smile and choose to be positive, thinking the next day will be better...no. It's frustrating. That has been my week. Every day.
But my Father has given me a gift. It is the gift of His presence, in me and around me, every day, all the time. And all that comes with it. All the fruits of the Holy Spirit. He has poured so much grace on me to endure, but not only to endure. He has given me grace to soar. Nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ. Even little trials like I have faced here. So why let stuff like this bring me down? I have every reason in the world to be full of joy, hope and peace at every second of every day.
Anyway, I know there is a reason He chose to bring me here. And I am so glad I obeyed Him. He has taught me so much, and grown me so much. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had said no to this. Some days I look out at the ocean (which you can see from wherever you are on the base) and I think I can't believe I almost didn't come here. Wow, what a journey it has been.
So.......a little more than 2 weeks left. I'm so excited to come home. And I know I am bringing with me SO much. See yall then!
PS.---the title of this blog has nothing to do with the content :) It's just something Heidi said in class the other day. And I had no title. So there you go. :)
If I'm enduring this time in Africa, I'm also in a really good place.
I must say that I am both.
These past few months have been the most stretching time I have had in a long while. Let me share a few details that will help give illustration to that statement:
In this last week alone, the following things have happened to me:
1 My camera broke
2 The ATM machine swallowed my credit card (don't worry, I got it back..the next day..talk about a nervous night)
3 I have been swarmed by mobs of sweaty, dirty kids more than the entire time I have been here, kids that like to jerk arms and legs, pull hair, spit, punch, slap and etc. etc. etc.
4) I have bruises, scrapes and cuts ALLLL over my body in various places, some I don't even know how I got.
5) I tried for 4 days in a row to get on the internet to check my bank account, send emails and other stuff, and each time I walked into the computer place, I was greeted with a shaking head (which means the internet connection is down)...
This is just some of the stuff that has happened.
Before this week though, my ipod was stolen, and I borrowed a friends ipod touch, which was also stolen because I left it on our front porch. So I am responsible for 2new ipods. AHHHH
Every day that I am tested and tried, I have a choice to make. I have felt like crying almost every day this week. But it's my choice to act on that, or to just do the complete opposite thing and just laugh. That second choice goes against every fiber of every emotion in me.
Every day that has stretched me, I have overcome by just laughing. I would much rather be happy than be angry. I know my Father and He always takes care of me. I know that everything is all going to work out. So when stuff like the above happens, I have started to just find it funny. It's been a real blessing to know that He has shaped my character so much in just 2 months that I could go from being anxious and freaking out to just laughing.
When I have a frustrating day, I just laugh. And I know that the next day will be better. But then......the next day is just like the last. It's frustrating and trying AGAIN. So I smile and choose to be positive, thinking the next day will be better...no. It's frustrating. That has been my week. Every day.
But my Father has given me a gift. It is the gift of His presence, in me and around me, every day, all the time. And all that comes with it. All the fruits of the Holy Spirit. He has poured so much grace on me to endure, but not only to endure. He has given me grace to soar. Nothing can seperate me from the love of Christ. Even little trials like I have faced here. So why let stuff like this bring me down? I have every reason in the world to be full of joy, hope and peace at every second of every day.
Anyway, I know there is a reason He chose to bring me here. And I am so glad I obeyed Him. He has taught me so much, and grown me so much. I can't imagine what would have happened if I had said no to this. Some days I look out at the ocean (which you can see from wherever you are on the base) and I think I can't believe I almost didn't come here. Wow, what a journey it has been.
So.......a little more than 2 weeks left. I'm so excited to come home. And I know I am bringing with me SO much. See yall then!
PS.---the title of this blog has nothing to do with the content :) It's just something Heidi said in class the other day. And I had no title. So there you go. :)
Friday, July 1, 2011
IT'S JULY!
I can't believe it! My first month in Africa is complete. What a crazy whirlwind experience. My weekend outreach has been one of the highlights. Showing the Jesus film in remote mountain villages, going around from house to house praying for the sick and oppressed, and loving on hearts that need Jesus. All ages.
I've had many other experiences as well, and hundreds of stories building up in my heart that I can't wait to tell. Here are a few:
I have been making great friends among the Mozambican pastors. These young men are incredible. When I was 17 I read Rolland and Heidi's book 'Always Enough'. In this book there are many stories about the children they found and rescued from extremely horrific circumstances. I have actually had the opportunity to meet several of these children who are now no longer children! Yesterday I met a young man around 26 or 27 whose name is Ernesto. He is in the book! He was resuced when he was 12 years old off the streets. I read his story when I was 17 and wept. Meeting him face to face, is such a picture of the LOVE of God! We talked for about half an hour sitting at a little cafe called Tropical. He is just beaming with life and hope. He's going to school and then going to be an evangelist.
Mozambique has only just recovered in the last 4 or 6 years from the decades of war and natural disaster that went on for years. One day a few weeks ago I was on a boat ride and one of the Mozambicans who was rowing it looked around at the ocean and then started smiling and he looked at me and said 'Now the war is over and we are free. Now Jesus is in Mozambique.' It blessed my heart so much!
The other day I made a peanut butter and jam sandwich on one of our leftover breakfast rolls for my lunch. (Rice and beans get a little monotonous) So I went out on to the back porch to eat it when I felt like God was telling me to just pause for a moment. So I did, and I heard 'When was the last time you actually thanked God for your meal' And honestly, I don't remember ever thanking the Lord for my meals. We always pray before dinner and everything, but when I bow my head I do it out of routine and it never even crosses my mind that GOD HAS GIVEN ME DAILY BREAD. God has provided for my needs. And as I sat there looking at my sandwich I said 'THANK YOU, LORD'. And felt so much thankfulness welling up inside me. I'm so used to always eating, and when you grow up in a culture where there is always an over abundance, you just expect there to be lots of food all the time. It never occurs to you that the LORD has given this. He has provided for me. It made me sad that I have lived for 21 years and never even thought about the Lord who is my provider and sustainer and who gives me daily bread. In my case, way more than just my daily bread. He has blessed me so much.
I'm out of time for now, but I will try to get back and write another post as soon as I can. One month to go! Love you all and see you in August! :)
I've had many other experiences as well, and hundreds of stories building up in my heart that I can't wait to tell. Here are a few:
I have been making great friends among the Mozambican pastors. These young men are incredible. When I was 17 I read Rolland and Heidi's book 'Always Enough'. In this book there are many stories about the children they found and rescued from extremely horrific circumstances. I have actually had the opportunity to meet several of these children who are now no longer children! Yesterday I met a young man around 26 or 27 whose name is Ernesto. He is in the book! He was resuced when he was 12 years old off the streets. I read his story when I was 17 and wept. Meeting him face to face, is such a picture of the LOVE of God! We talked for about half an hour sitting at a little cafe called Tropical. He is just beaming with life and hope. He's going to school and then going to be an evangelist.
Mozambique has only just recovered in the last 4 or 6 years from the decades of war and natural disaster that went on for years. One day a few weeks ago I was on a boat ride and one of the Mozambicans who was rowing it looked around at the ocean and then started smiling and he looked at me and said 'Now the war is over and we are free. Now Jesus is in Mozambique.' It blessed my heart so much!
The other day I made a peanut butter and jam sandwich on one of our leftover breakfast rolls for my lunch. (Rice and beans get a little monotonous) So I went out on to the back porch to eat it when I felt like God was telling me to just pause for a moment. So I did, and I heard 'When was the last time you actually thanked God for your meal' And honestly, I don't remember ever thanking the Lord for my meals. We always pray before dinner and everything, but when I bow my head I do it out of routine and it never even crosses my mind that GOD HAS GIVEN ME DAILY BREAD. God has provided for my needs. And as I sat there looking at my sandwich I said 'THANK YOU, LORD'. And felt so much thankfulness welling up inside me. I'm so used to always eating, and when you grow up in a culture where there is always an over abundance, you just expect there to be lots of food all the time. It never occurs to you that the LORD has given this. He has provided for me. It made me sad that I have lived for 21 years and never even thought about the Lord who is my provider and sustainer and who gives me daily bread. In my case, way more than just my daily bread. He has blessed me so much.
I'm out of time for now, but I will try to get back and write another post as soon as I can. One month to go! Love you all and see you in August! :)
Thursday, June 2, 2011
Day 3
Well after 2 days of traveling and 2 days adjusting I am finally sitting down at the internet cafe to write this post.
I don't even know how to start! Africa..Africa.....is absolutely crazy. It is beautiful but trying me and stretching me at every second. So many times I have already asked myself "Why did I come here again?"
It's hard to take a shower. The shower floor is about as big as a medium cardboard box. The rod for the curtain is squared which means I have to slide each ring one by one around the corner until the curtain is closed. The water is cold and I only have 2 minutes to shower.
It's hard to sleep. I am on the top bunk and I have to fling my mosquito net over my head to get in bed. My sheets ar covered with sand and grit that I somehow always drag into bed despite brushing off my feet..and my mattress is slanted so I always feel like about to roll off. We only have one small floor fan which of course is on the floor..LOL. So it is crazy hot at night.
It's hard to walk. I'm constantly dripping in sweat which is very uncomfortable when I'm wearing a skirt down to my ankles.
It's hard to brush my teeth with a water bottle, and it's hard to remember not to throw the toilet paper in the toilet (already messed up several times..that was gross) and it's hard to remember to bring my silverware and water to all my meals.......
So now that I've written about how hard it is, I will just say.......all of that is nothing compared to stuff like this:
Laughing with the Mozambicans at meals while we teach them words in English and they teach us words in Portuguese.
Climbing up and down steep hills carrying a cute little African on each hip...this is a great workout by the way :)
Sitting out on the porch with so many beautiful people from all different countries, laughing at all the different accents
Getting wrecked by Jesus.
More to come whenever I can get back to the internet cafe!!
I LOVE MOZAMBIQUE <3
I don't even know how to start! Africa..Africa.....is absolutely crazy. It is beautiful but trying me and stretching me at every second. So many times I have already asked myself "Why did I come here again?"
It's hard to take a shower. The shower floor is about as big as a medium cardboard box. The rod for the curtain is squared which means I have to slide each ring one by one around the corner until the curtain is closed. The water is cold and I only have 2 minutes to shower.
It's hard to sleep. I am on the top bunk and I have to fling my mosquito net over my head to get in bed. My sheets ar covered with sand and grit that I somehow always drag into bed despite brushing off my feet..and my mattress is slanted so I always feel like about to roll off. We only have one small floor fan which of course is on the floor..LOL. So it is crazy hot at night.
It's hard to walk. I'm constantly dripping in sweat which is very uncomfortable when I'm wearing a skirt down to my ankles.
It's hard to brush my teeth with a water bottle, and it's hard to remember not to throw the toilet paper in the toilet (already messed up several times..that was gross) and it's hard to remember to bring my silverware and water to all my meals.......
So now that I've written about how hard it is, I will just say.......all of that is nothing compared to stuff like this:
Laughing with the Mozambicans at meals while we teach them words in English and they teach us words in Portuguese.
Climbing up and down steep hills carrying a cute little African on each hip...this is a great workout by the way :)
Sitting out on the porch with so many beautiful people from all different countries, laughing at all the different accents
Getting wrecked by Jesus.
More to come whenever I can get back to the internet cafe!!
I LOVE MOZAMBIQUE <3
Sunday, May 22, 2011
A Taste of This Summer
Here's a sneak peek. More to come in this next week!
I'm going HERE!!
To live on THIS BEACH!!
With beautiful children like THESE!
And do stuff like THIS!
And see sights like this every evening!
More to come......
P.S.--- 5 DAYS until I board a plane! =D =D =D
I'm going HERE!!
To live on THIS BEACH!!
With beautiful children like THESE!
And do stuff like THIS!
And see sights like this every evening!
More to come......
P.S.--- 5 DAYS until I board a plane! =D =D =D
Saturday, May 14, 2011
2 WEEKS
I am leaving for Africa in exactly 2 weeks! WEll, OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have absolutely no idea what I am about to step into. God is about to rock my world! Excited, scared, happy, full of anticipation......
I'm learning how to be fearless. He is making me brave!
I have absolutely no idea what I am about to step into. God is about to rock my world! Excited, scared, happy, full of anticipation......
I'm learning how to be fearless. He is making me brave!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
One month left ...
It has been so amazing to see so many different hands sowing into this for me! I LOVE THE KINGDOM OF GOD! I love how we all share, we all help eachother and we all lift eachother up! I love my family all over the world.
I am leaving May 28th, all my flights are booked and payed for and everything is good to go!
Some things I am still working on:
1) My visa to come in the mail
2) $2,000 school tuition that must be payed THIS SUNDAY MAY 1ST
3) Getting all my neccessary supplies and figuring how to pack them all under the strict weight limits
4) Travel and medical insurance (have to have these)
5) Neccessary medications, etc.
And a lot of other stuff that needs to be done..trips like this take so much work and preparation. I am not worried or anxious, which is strange for me. But I know the details are going to be fine. Everything is all going to work out. How do I know this? Because this is the path HE has led me on, and since I am in His will entirely, He's gotta take care of it all. And because I know His nature, and He's faithful.
I'M GETTING SO EXCITED. I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE MY FIRST STEP ON THAT AFRICAN SOIL AND PICK UP THOSE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND DANCE ON THE BEACH! Oh thank You Jesus for taking me on this adventure!
I am leaving May 28th, all my flights are booked and payed for and everything is good to go!
Some things I am still working on:
1) My visa to come in the mail
2) $2,000 school tuition that must be payed THIS SUNDAY MAY 1ST
3) Getting all my neccessary supplies and figuring how to pack them all under the strict weight limits
4) Travel and medical insurance (have to have these)
5) Neccessary medications, etc.
And a lot of other stuff that needs to be done..trips like this take so much work and preparation. I am not worried or anxious, which is strange for me. But I know the details are going to be fine. Everything is all going to work out. How do I know this? Because this is the path HE has led me on, and since I am in His will entirely, He's gotta take care of it all. And because I know His nature, and He's faithful.
I'M GETTING SO EXCITED. I CAN'T WAIT TO TAKE MY FIRST STEP ON THAT AFRICAN SOIL AND PICK UP THOSE BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND DANCE ON THE BEACH! Oh thank You Jesus for taking me on this adventure!
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Here I Go Again
Getting ready to get on another plane next month and leave again. This time it's a lot farther away from home. AFRICA. For 3 months.
I'm so scared to leave again when I know it's only a season and I just want a place and community where I can stay and call home. Florida was wonderful and amazing, for 20 years. Missouri was incredible and all I could ever ask for. and I never wanted to leave. It was way too short. Now the Lord is leading me elsewhere, into another season. And then it's going to end. My heart gets tied to every season, and then they end. It breaks my heart. But there's always another season coming.
So I step out in spite of my fears, and brace myself to fall right into His arms. He has called, and He is faithful. I don't know what's going to happen, but I never do. I've got to learn how to accept that. You see, I'm always going to be passing through. I am just a pilgrim. The LORD has given me a Pioneer heart. While I wait for the man who is going to walk with me into the unknown, I have to go alone. While I wait for my Pilgrim man, I have to pilgrim alone. But I am NOT alone. I'm never going to know where I'm going, or where He's going to call me/us next. But if we keep our eyes on Him it's OK. He's our security. He's our safety. We never go alone.
I am not going to Africa alone. By myself, yes. But He is with me. He's never going to leave me. I've got to learn to lean on Him and Him alone. People will come and go in my life. ALWAYS. Some day family members may die and leave me here. When I'm married, my husband won't always be with me, there will be times we are possibly seperated, in other parts of the world.
In this season He is teaching me to find my security in Him. ONLY Him.
God alone is the only one who isn't going anywhere. He is unchanging. Everything in life always changes, but He doesn't. He is the First and Last. He's constant and He is a ROCK. When I'm spinning He is my anchor. He is the only one that isn't leaving me. I cling to the LORD with all that I am, and step out, into the unknown, into His arms.
Sweet Jesus, stay close to me......
I'm so scared to leave again when I know it's only a season and I just want a place and community where I can stay and call home. Florida was wonderful and amazing, for 20 years. Missouri was incredible and all I could ever ask for. and I never wanted to leave. It was way too short. Now the Lord is leading me elsewhere, into another season. And then it's going to end. My heart gets tied to every season, and then they end. It breaks my heart. But there's always another season coming.
So I step out in spite of my fears, and brace myself to fall right into His arms. He has called, and He is faithful. I don't know what's going to happen, but I never do. I've got to learn how to accept that. You see, I'm always going to be passing through. I am just a pilgrim. The LORD has given me a Pioneer heart. While I wait for the man who is going to walk with me into the unknown, I have to go alone. While I wait for my Pilgrim man, I have to pilgrim alone. But I am NOT alone. I'm never going to know where I'm going, or where He's going to call me/us next. But if we keep our eyes on Him it's OK. He's our security. He's our safety. We never go alone.
I am not going to Africa alone. By myself, yes. But He is with me. He's never going to leave me. I've got to learn to lean on Him and Him alone. People will come and go in my life. ALWAYS. Some day family members may die and leave me here. When I'm married, my husband won't always be with me, there will be times we are possibly seperated, in other parts of the world.
In this season He is teaching me to find my security in Him. ONLY Him.
God alone is the only one who isn't going anywhere. He is unchanging. Everything in life always changes, but He doesn't. He is the First and Last. He's constant and He is a ROCK. When I'm spinning He is my anchor. He is the only one that isn't leaving me. I cling to the LORD with all that I am, and step out, into the unknown, into His arms.
Sweet Jesus, stay close to me......
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Accepted!! HECK YES!
I AM OFFICIALLY ACCEPTED TO BE A STUDENT IN AFRICA FOR 3 MONTHS! SOOOOOO BEYOND EXCITED!
There are so many details I have to figure out - that's always the case when going to another country - but all of that is nothing. The Lord will accomplish His purpose for me. Even down to the last little detail. Taking care of flights, payments, visas, packing, funds, EVERYTHING.
A little more than a month! Around May 27th is when I will be leaving.
AFRICA HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
There are so many details I have to figure out - that's always the case when going to another country - but all of that is nothing. The Lord will accomplish His purpose for me. Even down to the last little detail. Taking care of flights, payments, visas, packing, funds, EVERYTHING.
A little more than a month! Around May 27th is when I will be leaving.
AFRICA HERE I COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, February 11, 2011
Are You Willing?
When God awakened me 5 years ago and I in turn pledged my entire being to Him for eternity, I could have never anticipated all that would happen. Along the way I found that the cost was great and so was the reward.
I didn't know all I would have to lay down, but I didn't need to know it then. Those things would come at their proper time as God was free to lead me and nudge me gently when it was time to lay this one down, and then that one. Not all of them at once. It is a daily cross to bear.
If you say yes to God, to His call on your life, it's going to cost you everything.
I will be the first to tell you I never wanted to be a missionary. But now I can't imagine doing anything else. Jesus just likes to do that. :)
When I was 18 I was standing on a balcony overlooking the land of Haiti, and I knew that something was about to happen in my life. I didn't know that thing was going to be heartbreak. In that moment I felt the nearness of His presence as He nudged me to respond to Him. I stood there with tears welling up in my eyes and said "Lord, I am not afraid for my heart to be broken."
As soon as those words left my mouth I let go of control, and He could finally take what I had been grasping so tightly for so long. I only had a few days left in Haiti at that point, and those few days He showed Himself faithful to do what I asked. He broke my heart. I left this country WRECKED, little did I know it was just beginning. My heart had only started to crack.
In the months that followed as I was back home, my heart was BROKEN. Into pieces. And here I am 3 years later, and I survived. And my heartbreaking was absolutely neccessary. He is so good.
I can tell you firsthand: What you will gain is 10,000 times better than what you will lay down.
Say yes to the Lord and His purposes, even if you're scared. There's something about that free fall into the unknown that is so liberating. If you don't do it, you're going to always wonder what could have happened if you did.
There are no limits to what God wants to birth through you and all it takes is a willing, obedient vessel.
Do you want to find favor with God and with men? I'm gonna tell you how. God's favor rests on the heart that says yes. The heart that burns in the private, secret place where no one else sees.
Will you be a lover of God who will get down on your knees in your closet where no one can see you and labor in prayer? Then you can have His favor.
Will you be a child that longs for purity? Then you can have His favor.
Will you be a servant who loves people even when it hurts, who loves when it isn't repayed, appreciated or even noticed? Then you can have His favor.
It takes a lot. But it gives more.
If you say yes to a life of love, to a sacrifice of your own plans and desires, you will reap rewards you never imagined that will come when God swings wide the doorway of your life and heart and blows your mind with His presence on, in and through you.
And when you are 85 you will look back and remember the day you gave Him everything, the day your heart broke, the day you were on your knees in tears before Him, surrendering your life and laying everything down, and say "It was worth it."
I didn't know all I would have to lay down, but I didn't need to know it then. Those things would come at their proper time as God was free to lead me and nudge me gently when it was time to lay this one down, and then that one. Not all of them at once. It is a daily cross to bear.
If you say yes to God, to His call on your life, it's going to cost you everything.
I will be the first to tell you I never wanted to be a missionary. But now I can't imagine doing anything else. Jesus just likes to do that. :)
When I was 18 I was standing on a balcony overlooking the land of Haiti, and I knew that something was about to happen in my life. I didn't know that thing was going to be heartbreak. In that moment I felt the nearness of His presence as He nudged me to respond to Him. I stood there with tears welling up in my eyes and said "Lord, I am not afraid for my heart to be broken."
As soon as those words left my mouth I let go of control, and He could finally take what I had been grasping so tightly for so long. I only had a few days left in Haiti at that point, and those few days He showed Himself faithful to do what I asked. He broke my heart. I left this country WRECKED, little did I know it was just beginning. My heart had only started to crack.
In the months that followed as I was back home, my heart was BROKEN. Into pieces. And here I am 3 years later, and I survived. And my heartbreaking was absolutely neccessary. He is so good.
I can tell you firsthand: What you will gain is 10,000 times better than what you will lay down.
Say yes to the Lord and His purposes, even if you're scared. There's something about that free fall into the unknown that is so liberating. If you don't do it, you're going to always wonder what could have happened if you did.
There are no limits to what God wants to birth through you and all it takes is a willing, obedient vessel.
Do you want to find favor with God and with men? I'm gonna tell you how. God's favor rests on the heart that says yes. The heart that burns in the private, secret place where no one else sees.
Will you be a lover of God who will get down on your knees in your closet where no one can see you and labor in prayer? Then you can have His favor.
Will you be a child that longs for purity? Then you can have His favor.
Will you be a servant who loves people even when it hurts, who loves when it isn't repayed, appreciated or even noticed? Then you can have His favor.
It takes a lot. But it gives more.
If you say yes to a life of love, to a sacrifice of your own plans and desires, you will reap rewards you never imagined that will come when God swings wide the doorway of your life and heart and blows your mind with His presence on, in and through you.
And when you are 85 you will look back and remember the day you gave Him everything, the day your heart broke, the day you were on your knees in tears before Him, surrendering your life and laying everything down, and say "It was worth it."
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Update + Letter
Hello to my wonderful friends and family.
I wanted to give you all a picture of what I believe this next year is going to hold for me. As many of you know, in March of 2010 I went to Kansas City, Missouri to do an internship with the International House of Prayer. I was there a total of 6 months and returned home in September. During my time at IHOP, I prayed a lot about my next step, what to do, and where to go. The Lord really spoke to me.
I remember one night at a worship service when an older gentleman came up to me and began to pray for me. He said in essence “Get oil for your lamp, because you’re going to need it for the journey. Use this time to pray and seek the Lord and fill your lamp with oil. Prepare for where the Lord is going to take you.”
So I began to seek the Lord for the remainder of the 2 months I had in my internship. I prayed “Lord, get me ready for the adventure you have for me. I want to be strong and steady so that I will not be shaken no matter where you take me and what You do. I want to always keep the First Commandment close to my heart, and in every situation I find myself in, I want to be found walking it out. I want to love You with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, wherever I find myself.” That became my heart’s cry and it still is.
I know that I will be a missionary for the rest of my life. I don't know exactly what this will look like, but I know that God has called me to be an intercessor, planted in a house of prayer, and to go from there to many places, here in the U.S. and overseas. I have chosen to live the missionary lifestyle. The Lord has called me away from the normal pathway of college/career, etc. to venture into His heart for the world. Sometimes this may look like spending months or even years in another country, and other times it may look like staying in the place of prayer, here in the U.S. Either way, I will embrace the lifestyle of a pilgrim and trust Him as my provider. Sometimes this calling scares me, but I know without question it is the life He has planned for me.
I have chosen to return to the International House of Prayer and make this foundation even stronger. I am open to the Lord’s leading and timing and plan to stay as long as He tells me. The main thing I will be doing is spending time in prayer and intercession for the nations and standing as a watchman in the night hours, as well as preparing my heart for the adventures that God has for me in the future. During my time here I will have opportunities to sing with worship teams, to join an existing dance team or lead one of my own, and possibly travel and go on short-term trips with teams that are sent out from here. Also, I am planning to work with the Children’s Center as well as several other ministries such as Hope City (a prayer house in the inner city that serves the poor, addicts and homeless), and Exodus Cry (working to abolish human trafficking).
With all of that said, before I make the move to Kansas City, I have a wonderful opportunity before me that I believe will be an amazing experience and open doors to even more.
It is called Harvest School and it is about 2 months long, located in Pemba-Mozambique, Africa. It starts on June 1st, and ends in early August. This school is part of Iris Ministries of Africa, under the leadership of founders Rolland and Heidi Baker. In 2008 I read a book they have written called ‘Always Enough’ and it changed my life. Ever since then, I have been considering this school. I will learn Portuguese in order to communicate with the Africans and my teachers, playing with orphans, praying for the sick on outreaches, and taking part in village churches in the middle of nowehere among many other amazing things. I will be living in a small house with 8-12 other girls and be part of a student community of around 150 students. The idea of spending my summer in Africa with amazing people always gets me so excited. If you would like to know more about this, you can go to http://www.irismin.org/missions/harvest
The worship that is being released from this place is incerdible and I would be so honored to be a part of it. This is a beautiful picture of Isaiah 42:10 which says, “Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them.” , and Isaiah 24:16 which says, “From the ends of the earth we hear singing: Glory to the Righteous One.”
As you can see, this is a wonderful opportunity and would be a life-changing experience. During this next year and probably many more, I have chosen to live a very simple lifestyle in which I will be cutting out unnecessary things. In order to do what the Lord has called me to, I am in need of financial partners. After I raise the funds for Africa and return home, I am planning to make the move to Kansas City as soon as possible. I will need monthly supporters in order to stay in the house of prayer. I am currently working a part-time job here in Florida and have been saving funds, however I am in need of much more than what I can do alone.
And that is where you come in! I would ask you to consider supporting me, either by becoming a monthly supporter, or a one-time gift. Any and all donations are definitely welcome! I can’t do this next year alone, and I would be so thankful to have you as a partner with me. If you cannot donate, I would ask you to pray for me. Please contact me by email at iheartsu@cfl.rr.com if you would like to donate. Note: Every penny you give will go DIRECTLY into these expenses. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and if you have any questions about Harvest School, my life in Kansas City or anything else, please ask!
Bless you! : )
Hannah Ledford
Galatians 2:20
I wanted to give you all a picture of what I believe this next year is going to hold for me. As many of you know, in March of 2010 I went to Kansas City, Missouri to do an internship with the International House of Prayer. I was there a total of 6 months and returned home in September. During my time at IHOP, I prayed a lot about my next step, what to do, and where to go. The Lord really spoke to me.
I remember one night at a worship service when an older gentleman came up to me and began to pray for me. He said in essence “Get oil for your lamp, because you’re going to need it for the journey. Use this time to pray and seek the Lord and fill your lamp with oil. Prepare for where the Lord is going to take you.”
So I began to seek the Lord for the remainder of the 2 months I had in my internship. I prayed “Lord, get me ready for the adventure you have for me. I want to be strong and steady so that I will not be shaken no matter where you take me and what You do. I want to always keep the First Commandment close to my heart, and in every situation I find myself in, I want to be found walking it out. I want to love You with all my heart, mind, soul and strength, wherever I find myself.” That became my heart’s cry and it still is.
I know that I will be a missionary for the rest of my life. I don't know exactly what this will look like, but I know that God has called me to be an intercessor, planted in a house of prayer, and to go from there to many places, here in the U.S. and overseas. I have chosen to live the missionary lifestyle. The Lord has called me away from the normal pathway of college/career, etc. to venture into His heart for the world. Sometimes this may look like spending months or even years in another country, and other times it may look like staying in the place of prayer, here in the U.S. Either way, I will embrace the lifestyle of a pilgrim and trust Him as my provider. Sometimes this calling scares me, but I know without question it is the life He has planned for me.
I have chosen to return to the International House of Prayer and make this foundation even stronger. I am open to the Lord’s leading and timing and plan to stay as long as He tells me. The main thing I will be doing is spending time in prayer and intercession for the nations and standing as a watchman in the night hours, as well as preparing my heart for the adventures that God has for me in the future. During my time here I will have opportunities to sing with worship teams, to join an existing dance team or lead one of my own, and possibly travel and go on short-term trips with teams that are sent out from here. Also, I am planning to work with the Children’s Center as well as several other ministries such as Hope City (a prayer house in the inner city that serves the poor, addicts and homeless), and Exodus Cry (working to abolish human trafficking).
With all of that said, before I make the move to Kansas City, I have a wonderful opportunity before me that I believe will be an amazing experience and open doors to even more.
It is called Harvest School and it is about 2 months long, located in Pemba-Mozambique, Africa. It starts on June 1st, and ends in early August. This school is part of Iris Ministries of Africa, under the leadership of founders Rolland and Heidi Baker. In 2008 I read a book they have written called ‘Always Enough’ and it changed my life. Ever since then, I have been considering this school. I will learn Portuguese in order to communicate with the Africans and my teachers, playing with orphans, praying for the sick on outreaches, and taking part in village churches in the middle of nowehere among many other amazing things. I will be living in a small house with 8-12 other girls and be part of a student community of around 150 students. The idea of spending my summer in Africa with amazing people always gets me so excited. If you would like to know more about this, you can go to http://www.irismin.org/missions/harvest
The worship that is being released from this place is incerdible and I would be so honored to be a part of it. This is a beautiful picture of Isaiah 42:10 which says, “Sing to the LORD a new song, his praise from the ends of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that is in it, you islands, and all who live in them.” , and Isaiah 24:16 which says, “From the ends of the earth we hear singing: Glory to the Righteous One.”
As you can see, this is a wonderful opportunity and would be a life-changing experience. During this next year and probably many more, I have chosen to live a very simple lifestyle in which I will be cutting out unnecessary things. In order to do what the Lord has called me to, I am in need of financial partners. After I raise the funds for Africa and return home, I am planning to make the move to Kansas City as soon as possible. I will need monthly supporters in order to stay in the house of prayer. I am currently working a part-time job here in Florida and have been saving funds, however I am in need of much more than what I can do alone.
And that is where you come in! I would ask you to consider supporting me, either by becoming a monthly supporter, or a one-time gift. Any and all donations are definitely welcome! I can’t do this next year alone, and I would be so thankful to have you as a partner with me. If you cannot donate, I would ask you to pray for me. Please contact me by email at iheartsu@cfl.rr.com if you would like to donate. Note: Every penny you give will go DIRECTLY into these expenses. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, and if you have any questions about Harvest School, my life in Kansas City or anything else, please ask!
Bless you! : )
Hannah Ledford
Galatians 2:20
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